Ashlie's out of town, Joel's out of work...
...so you can guess who's taking care of the dog. This includes photographing him and posting his little dogface on the blog for all to see.
Hoss is now 12 and a half weeks old, which translates into the human "terrible 2's." In 3-4 months he'll be a teenager. For all the young lady dogs out there in cyberspace--Hoss likes long walks in the park, destroying shoelaces, and making his owners pick up his poo from random people's driveways at 7 o'clock in the morning. He'll be fixed in the next few weeks; all the lovin', no bun in the oven. He won't be leaving you with anything but a pleasant memory-no unwanted litters ladies. Look at that sexy stud jump to destroy the evil flower of death.
Here's the thing. Lately Ashlie and I have been falling in love with Cesar Milan, Dog Whisperer. We read his book, watch his DVD, subscribe to his podcast, breathe heavily on his answering machine, all those cute things infatuated teenagers do. He's great. He can turn a crazy bitch into a perfect pooch with a 5 minute walk. Basically he has become my new male role model in life (sorry Dad, P. Diddy, and Pat Sajack).
But all the puppy training books say the whole "dominant pack leader, calm assertive energy" thing he does is a load of crap. And cruel. And that your dog will hate you later in life and become a raging alcoholic with penchant for street lovin' and nose candy.
Instead, experts propose, you should teach him to be deliriously happy every time you make this special sound with a little clicker.
So our options are to have a substance-abusing, baby-biting dog, or a retard. Great. Which does he look like to you?
Luckily, Hoss made the decision for us. He ate the clicker. Now we just have to hide our cash and credit cards so he can't run up too big a bar tab.
Ashlie's great. She loves her job. She flies daily to all the most beautiful and exotic locations in the greater midwest region. She spends her days 30,000 feet in the air and her nights in the most luxurious hotels within a 5 minute drive from the 2nd largest airport in town. This, and she gets all the peanuts she can eat.
She'll be changing her password so that I can never post again shortly.